WHO IS MEL FELLER by Mel Feller

Mel Feller is a certified executive coach and consultant for leaders who need to achieve significant personal and organizational results.  Mel Feller’s expertise, insights and engaging style help her clients gain wisdom and clarity, which result in: Executives who lead more effectively; Teams that seek to communicate and collaborate, and Organizations that are aligned with business strategy.

Mel Feller has over three decades of coaching and consulting experience in diverse industries, which provides a rich framework for his organizational insights and creative solutions. He brings a thoughtful approach to his work, carefully integrating both his coaching and consulting skills and abilities. When consulting, his focus is on “what you are doing” (i.e., goal setting, problem solving, taking action and achieving results). When coaching, his focus is on “who you are being” (i.e., how you are leading, aligning your values and tapping your gifts). As a client, you will become more consciously aware of how paying attention to – and balancing both – are critically important to your success.

When you combine Mel Feller’s keen insights and engaging style with his in-depth skills, technical certifications and broad industry experience, the result is a uniquely qualified executive coach and organizational consultant

Grandpas Are The Keepers of the Family’s Stories by Mel Feller

All families have a unique history comprised of milestone events and peopled by a diverse cast of

I love Being A Grandpa by Mel Feller

characters. This history of a family is passed on in the telling of its stories. The richest families are those in which the stories have been remembered, treasured, and incorporated into the spirit of the family.

Grandpas, more than anyone else, are the keepers of the family stories. They are a living bridge between the past and the future of a family. Their intimate connection with the two generations that preceded them and the two that follow gives them a remarkable knowledge and view of the landscape of five generations.

When grandchildren hear the family’s stories they learn who they are and from where they came. Research has shown that children who know something of their roots and the history of their family have stronger self-esteem. Through the family stories, children are given a sense of belonging and they develop a family pride. Stories about the family ancestors tend to build confidence in children and empower them.

Along with self-confidence and family pride, the family stories teach the faith, ethics and values of a family. Our faith stories help us to see how God has worked in the family story and brought us to where we are today. They link us to the good and saintly people who have been part of the family chain, and these people provide models for newer generations. Children need heroes with whom to identify and they are greatly enriched if they can find people in their own families to inspire and give them direction.

Children love long-ago and far-away stories. To them 50 years is long ago and another town, state, or part of the country can be far away. They are captivated by the adventure and excitement of times past and are fans of books like Little House on the Prairie, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Yet, if they could peer into their own family history, they might find stories that would equal any of those they read about. Unfortunately, most of those long-ago and far-away tales have disappeared from family memory.

Few families have held on to more than a couple generations of the family stories. Unless someone in the family tells the stories, they are lost, and when the family stories are lost a piece of the family’s soul and identity is lost. Maintaining and passing on the family stories is a precious gift that grandpas can give to their grandchildren.

Here are some ways that grandpas can share family stories with their grandchildren:

• Compose and frame a collage of the previous generations of your family.
• Compile an electonic photo album of past generations for your grandchildren.
• Write a history of your family.
• Buy a grandpa book and record your story for your family.
• Frame your ancestoral pictures and create a gallery wall in your home.
• Tell stories of what life was like when you were a child. Tell your grandchildren about your parents and grandparents.
• Create a family cookbook with favorite family recipes and the stories that go with them.
• Take your grandchildren to visit the ancestoral home and church of your family.
• Create a family time-line of births, deaths, significant events. Have your grandchildren add their births and discuss how they are part of the larger on-going family.
• Create a family tree. Include as many generations as you can.
• Recover the stories – talk to other family members: cousins, aunts, uncles, parents to try to learn more of the family stories.
• Join an on-line genealogy service such as Ancestory.com to explore more about your family.
• Tell your grandchild the story of their parent’s childhood.

A Grandpa's Hands by Mel Feller

I recently re

ceived this touching story and couldn’t help but share with all of you!

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.” (Psalm 73:23)

My Grandpa's Hands by Mel Feller

Grandpa, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. He didn’t move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands. When I sat down beside him he didn’t acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat, I wondered if he was OK. Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to check on him at the same time, I asked him if he was OK.

He raised his head and looked at me and smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” he said in a clear strong voice.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you, Grandpa, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,” I explained to him.

“Have you ever looked at your hands,” he asked. “I mean really looked at your hands?”

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point he was making.

Grandpa smiled and related this story:
“Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled, and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back.
…As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.
…They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.
…They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.
…They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son.
…Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.
…They trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse and walked my daughter down the aisle.
…They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body.
…They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw.
…And to this day, when not much of anything else of me works real well, these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
…These hands are the mark of where I’ve been and the ruggedness of my life.
…But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home.
…And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.”

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandpa’s hands and led him home.

When my hands are hurt or sore I think of Grandpa. I know he has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God. I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face. “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’” (Isaiah 41:13)

Author Unknown

A Grandpa is a Role Model for His Grandkids by Mel Feller

Creative grandpas play several roles throughout the lives of their grandchildren. They are historians, mentors and role models, among other things. All of these roles are significant and important as

grandpas seek to love and nurture a new generation. I know that grandmothers are the exact same thing. However, this is a story about grandpas.

Grandpas can also be role models for their grandchildren. Grandchildren often look beyond their parents to their grandpas for how life is to be lived, what to include and what to exclude, what to hold tightly and what to hold loosely. Sometimes children look up to grandpas because parents are not worthy role models. Some parents live their lives selfishly without regard for God and others. Others are not present in their children’s lives because of work obligations, sickness or incarceration. When these situations occur, children look to others for guidance and a path to follow. They need someone who will not only tell them the way to live and love, but also model that message with a godly life. Creative grandpas need to be able to say with the apostle Paul, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Creative grandpas model morals, gender and values. Grandpas teach young people social morality and give them a sense of right and wrong, a set of absolutes upon which they can build their lives. In this day of relative truth, grandchildren need models of truth and biblical morality, models that do not change with the times. They need to see integrity consistently displayed. Creative, involved grandpas provide grandchildren a model of morality to emulate.

Creative grandpas also model gender. This is why it is so important for grandfathers as well as grandmothers to be creatively involved in the lives of their grandchildren. Often grandmothers are known to love and nurture grandchildren, but grandfathers need to be equally involved. Our grandsons must see a “man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners” (Psalm 1:1). They need to see a man whose “delight is in the law of the Lord” (Psalm 1:2) — a man of integrity. Our grandsons must see men who respect their wives (1 Peter 3:7) and love them sacrificially “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Now, more than ever before, our grandsons need a male role model who will be the man God intended him to be, a man after God’s own heart. That is God’s mandate for us as grandfathers.

Creative grandpas also model values, showing their grandchildren by their lives what is important and what is not important. Our verbalized values are meaningless to others, but lived-out values confirm our beliefs. James says, “I will show you my faith by my works” (James 2:18). When grandpas freely give to their church or favorite charity and are unselfish with others, they model generosity for their grandchildren. When they are stingy and drop a dollar in the offering plate, little eyes see that, too. Grandpas’ actions present a strong message to thoughtful grandchildren who are always watching. When grandpas willingly give of themselves to serve God and others and reach out to those in need, grandchildren see altruistic, unselfish people who “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). When we invite our grandchildren into our lives, they may listen to our words, but be assured, they will observe our works.

I strongly believe that as grandpas we are here to be the best influence we can. I could never ever imagine my life without my grandchildren.

Grandpas a Kids Resource by Mel Feller

In 1979, President Jimmy Carter set aside the first Sunday after Labor Day to honor grandparents. The official proclamation made a convincing argument for this holiday:

Grandparents are our continuing tie to the near-past, to the events and beliefs and experiences that so strongly affect our lives and the world around us. Whether they are our own or surrogate grandparents who fill some of the gaps in our mobile society, our senior generation also provides our society a link to our national

Mel Feller

heritage and traditions.

According to a 2002 survey by the AARP, most grandparents (56%) see at least one of their grandchildren every week, another 12% see one of their grandchildren every two weeks, and another 24 percent said they see a grandchild once a month to once every few months.

If you’re a granddad reading this, thank you for all you do! Take it from us: you are an incredibly valuable resource that is far too seldom tapped by our current generation. As you know, your grandchildren need you. And so do the children down the street, in your community and place of worship.

For the rest of us fathers, we need to recognize and capitalize on the benefits that grandfathers can bring to our children’s lives. They are important because they symbolize family, they are living links between the present and the past, and they serve as connection points for the extended family.

Our children can also benefit from grandfathers because of the unique perspective granddads have on the world and on the family. They are more objective, so they can provide useful insights on our children as they grow and develop. They are more relaxed, and can be a great source of positive encouragement—without pressure—for our children. They are another model of manhood, often stepping in as a father figure for children who don’t have a dad. And they have unique opportunities to answer children’s questions and transmit values that a child might resist coming from his parents.

Let’s honor grandparents and give our children opportunities to receive these great benefits!

ACTION POINTS for Dads and Grandpas

• Grandpa: Do little things to remind your grandchildren that you’re thinking of them. Send cards and letters, newspaper clippings, e-mails, text messages, etc.
• Dad: Encourage your children to “interview” their grandparents about their lives using an audio or video recorder.
• Grandpa: Set up a reading reward system for your grandchildren based on a list of books that you will purposefully choose and purchase for them.
• Dad: Tell your children something positive that you learned from your father.
• Dad: Honor your father and mother by committing yourself to meet a need that they have. Involve your children if possible.

Here is What I Love Most About Being a Grandpa by Mel Feller

I feel joy, pure and simple. There is nothing like spending the day with a young child to make you remember why it is so thrilling to be alive. Children are indiscriminate, nonjudgmental lovers of just about everything, and their joy is contagious.

I am now living in the moment. Adults spend hours doing walking or exercise and practicing meditation in order to feel truly present, while kids, whether they are happy or sad, live in the here and now. They make great role models and spending time with them offers excellent training for grandparents. We simply must be in the here and now if we hope to keep up with live in general.

I am no longer in charge. Being somewhat of a control freak, at first I thought this was the bad news. Though it took time for me to accept that I have no say in anything including where my grandkids live, which is mountains away and not being in charge frees me up. Unlike their parents, I do not have to multitask and work, pay bills or do the laundry while also trying to spend quality time with the kids. In addition, I do not have to worry so much about whether they go to sleep at night or if they refuse to eat dinner.

I come and go as I please. This is one of those rumors about being a grandpa that turns out to be true. I treasure my visits with all four grandkids, but I am a better grandpa and a happier camper when I pay attention to my own limits. There is a reason why most people have babies in their 20s and 30s, not at age 60 or 70.

I will learn from my grandkids. Even though Brandon and Vanessa are still quite young, I can see that they will be my window into a future that is unfolding at lightning speed as they grow older and I do, too.

Moreover, they will learn from me. In addition to being my grandkids' living link to one branch of their family tree, I aspire to be a role model for them of ethical wisdom, emotional intelligence, generosity and kindness, respect for the environment, acceptance of life's inevitable imperfections and challenges. Being one-step removed from the front lines of child rearing, we grandparents have a precious opportunity to transmit the values we hold dear, with less risk of backlash. We also will not be the target of teenage rebellion, which, to me, is another big plus.

I know what is important. I do not really care whether my grandchildren get into the Harvard of preschools or the Harvard of Harvard, for that matter. Yes, I value education, but more than anything, I want the kids to be happy, healthy and live productive, richly satisfying lives. The addition of the prefix "grand" to "parenthood" means fewer expectations and agendas as well the tensions that often go along with all those expectations and agendas.

They give me a free pass. The lack of baggage, as well as judgment, goes both ways. As soon as I became a grandpa, it was as if I had turned into a character in some kind of wacky older kid, I just could not stop laughing. Being a Grandpa offers me a free pass to act like an imbecile a great relief from the grownup, professional world in which I must frequently appear serious and all business.

It is the purest love. Shortly after I became a grandpa, my friend told me that the affection he shares with her grandchildren has taught him about "pure and nearly perfect love." For all the reasons described here and others that keep emerging the longer, I see the world through a grandfather's eyes, I second that emotion.

Mel Feller Websites

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An Open Letter to Rachel and Austin Raymond and Brandon and Vanessa Woolworth my Grandkids by Mel Feller

I hope that as a grandfather my wisdom will stay with them for life.  Therefore, I just want to tell them a few things.

My grandkids are young and they have their whole lives ahead of them. I, on the other hand, have more days behind me than in front of me.

What words of wisdom can I give this younger generation, my grandchildren? What life lessons can I tell them that will make their lives happier, more meaningful and more purposeful?

Each of us has special gifts and talents, so embrace everything that is unique about you. As you grow up, you will come to know these talents and you will develop passions; a life purpose and goals that you want to accomplish. If you want to be a painter, then paint. If you want to be a teacher, then teach. If you want to be an entrepreneur, that do that. Decide what is important to you and do it.

Even if it was not your fault. Especially if it was not your fault, take responsibility for fixing it. Life has a way of bringing all of us a great deal of happiness, but it also has a way of hurting us.

No matter what has happened, it is up to you to resolve it. It is up to you to envision what should occur next and to put a plan in place to make it happen.

If you take responsibility and control, you will imagine new possibilities and design something that you do want for yourself. You will take yourself out of the past and move yourself to a better place. This will make a profound difference in your life. You will be happier with your opportunities, your support systems and your environment.

Always be open to learning new things. Be curious about the people, the experiences, the events and discoveries taking place in the present as well as those things that we can learn from the past. Decide to continually understand the world around you and expand your thinking and ways of doing things.

Take classes, attend lectures, read books, hang out with others who are interested in what you are. Be engaged. You will find that your life is more interesting, you will have greater opportunities and I promise that you will never ever be bored.

I have moved a few times in my life to different places. There was always a sense of sadness when I left the familiar and replaced it with the unfamiliar. It was hard saying goodbye to friends, acquaintances and support systems. It was challenging to start fresh and to meet new people.

I have learned that there are amazing people everywhere you go. People who will inspire you and with whom you will develop a close friendship. You will find people who you will love and who will love you. There are wonderful people no matter where you go. In addition, when you develop a friendship with them, it will feel like you have always known them.

There will be some people who will take some time to get to know, and others that you will be good friends with right from the start.

Always be open to what can happen and you will find them.

Someone starts to like you at the same exact moment in time that you start liking him or her.

A relationship is emotional and the feeling starts with you. It is uncanny. Something happens when you like someone. You lean into them, and you listen to them and care about them. You give the relationship energy and spirit.

I find that the moment when I warm to someone, the feeling is returned. The relationship may develop into a strong friendship or remain an acquaintance, but the feelings of mutual affection and respect will be there.

By the way, the opposite is true. Someone starts to dislike you the moment you start to lose patience with him or her or to lose interest in them. The whole vibration of the relationship changes and things can become strained.

So, do not wait for someone else to make the first move. If you like someone, be engaged, show that you are interested and stay open to wherever the relationship brings you.

Say yes to life and be open to new experiences. You may not always get what you want, but you will generally get what you expect.

There is a force, an energy that we all share, and it is the power that connects us all to each other. It is the source that we all came from and it is the energy that we will all return to. Do not ever forget that you are part of something spiritual and eternal.

There is so much prejudice, criticism and judgment in this world. Never do anything to add to this negativity. Use your natural gifts and talents to make the world a better place.

It is really a beautiful life – live it!

Love you Rachael, Austin, Brandon and Vanessa

Your Grandpa Feller


Mel Feller Websites

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