I feel joy, pure and simple. There is nothing like spending
the day with a young child to make you remember why it is so thrilling to be
alive. Children are indiscriminate, nonjudgmental lovers of just about
everything, and their joy is contagious.
I am now living in the moment. Adults spend hours doing walking
or exercise and practicing meditation in order to feel truly present, while
kids, whether they are happy or sad, live in the here and now. They make great
role models and spending time with them offers excellent training for
grandparents. We simply must be in the here and now if we hope to keep up with
live in general.
I am no longer in charge. Being somewhat of a control freak,
at first I thought this was the bad news. Though it took time for me to accept
that I have no say in anything including where my grandkids live, which is
mountains away and not being in charge frees me up. Unlike their parents, I do
not have to multitask and work, pay bills or do the laundry while also trying
to spend quality time with the kids. In addition, I do not have to worry so
much about whether they go to sleep at night or if they refuse to eat dinner.
I come and go as I please. This is one of those rumors about
being a grandpa that turns out to be true. I treasure my visits with all four
grandkids, but I am a better grandpa and a happier camper when I pay attention
to my own limits. There is a reason why most people have babies in their 20s
and 30s, not at age 60 or 70.
I will learn from my grandkids. Even though Brandon and Vanessa
are still quite young, I can see that they will be my window into a future that
is unfolding at lightning speed as they grow older and I do, too.
Moreover, they will learn from me. In addition to being my
grandkids' living link to one branch of their family tree, I aspire to be a
role model for them of ethical wisdom, emotional intelligence, generosity and
kindness, respect for the environment, acceptance of life's inevitable
imperfections and challenges. Being one-step removed from the front lines of
child rearing, we grandparents have a precious opportunity to transmit the
values we hold dear, with less risk of backlash. We also will not be the target
of teenage rebellion, which, to me, is another big plus.
I know what is important. I do not really care whether my
grandchildren get into the Harvard of preschools or the Harvard of Harvard, for
that matter. Yes, I value education, but more than anything, I want the kids to
be happy, healthy and live productive, richly satisfying lives. The addition of
the prefix "grand" to "parenthood" means fewer expectations
and agendas as well the tensions that often go along with all those
expectations and agendas.
They give me a free pass. The lack of baggage, as well as
judgment, goes both ways. As soon as I became a grandpa, it was as if I had
turned into a character in some kind of wacky older kid, I just could not stop laughing.
Being a Grandpa offers me a free pass to act like an imbecile a great relief
from the grownup, professional world in which I must frequently appear serious
and all business.
It is the purest love. Shortly after I became a grandpa, my
friend told me that the affection he shares with her grandchildren has taught him
about "pure and nearly perfect love." For all the reasons described
here and others that keep emerging the longer, I see the world through a grandfather's
eyes, I second that emotion.
Mel Feller Websites
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